


What Happiness Was

by loveliestfirebird



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-04-18 06:12:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14206854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveliestfirebird/pseuds/loveliestfirebird
Summary: Puzzle pieces are missing from your mind like the white parts of an inkblot test. You're important to them, but you can't quite figure out how.





	1. Smiling Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet Sans and invent a special burger for Papyrus.

“You’re late again, my love bug.”

“Late night, Miss Muffet.” 

Were you a younger one fresh from high school or just a child starting college, Muffet’s gentle chiding would have sent you into a worry about getting fired. Many different things in your life heave stopped you from being tossed in a state of anxiety so easily. Sad as it may be, it’s gotten to a point of carelessness where you still manage to succeed in both your jobs. From busting tables at Grillby’s bar at nights to baking alongside Muffet in the bright daylight, you’ve heard your fair share of harsh criticisms. Turns out Monsters aren’t all that different against Humans when it came to treating people in customer service. Your skin is too thick to let it get to you, at least today.

You go into the backroom and button up your slightly over-sized pink and white pinstripe work shirt over your white collar shirt. You tie and bobby pin your excess hair up so it fits beneath the hairnet and then press a black baseball cap patched with Muffet’s logo on top. With no mirror back here, you’re left up to your own imagination about how wonderful you look in your day job costume. Sighing, you remind yourself today is going to be a good day. There’ll be no events like last week, you promise as you pin the magnetic name tag to your breast pocket. Discarding your personal affects into the small cubby hole and grabbing the black permanent marker, you set out into the wonderful world of baked goods to begin your shift.

Your primary job is to keep the glass cases full, answer phones, and fill orders. There is the option to fill the coffee machine if you have time, but that’s usually part of the cashier’s main floor. Muffet and her extra limbs never appears to need any help in that regard, but your dependability has yet to go unnoticed. Before going to your station and after clocking in, you grab a coffee and drop a few coins in the donation box next to the register. You rub the sleep out of your eyes from lack of proper rest and walk around to study what the overnight shift had left for you to do. Thankfully they’d already pre-made the dough and shaped the donuts for the morning breakfast rush. Muffet’s famous cider needed to be remade, but other than that you started on the first set. You’d be making thirty-six by the end shift and wanted to pace them out over the course of the day.

“Lemonbread?” You call to one of the amalgamations hired just last week. “Would you mind cutting these out while I go pour the cider?”

They bowed in acknowledgment. Many of the amalgamations were very kind and worked hard at whatever they’d done. You were always grateful to have an extra set of hands, as great as Muffet was as a boss she couldn’t be everywhere you needed her. Not ten minutes later, after you had the cider mixed and poured into where it needed to be, Lemonbread was bringing out the biscuits out and plating them for the display case. Before you could adjust them, you needed to go and retrieve the weekly delivery Muffet got from around the country. It made you both breathe a sigh of relief and also stress over getting it finished before there was a large party coming. Lemonbread followed behind you, still nervous about being left alone, and again you were pleased to have the extra person.

“Oh!” You spot a brand new delivery person and step forward to introduce yourself. He looks unsettled, sweat dripping from his temple. He seems to collect himself quickly and extend a hand. Until he realizes you’re currently holding a very large box of numerous vegetables.

“nice to meet yah. i’m sans. sans the skeleton.” 

“Good to meet you. Here- Lemonbread? Can you get Sans a fresh biscuit on the house?” You call back to the main floor.

“i’m not really a biscuit person.”

“Oh, what about a quiche? They’re still good.” You offer when Lemonbread brings the leftovers over. Sans looks from the offered egg thing to you.

“you make it? heard you make the best ones.”

You’re slightly taken aback from his question. No one has ever commended you on your quiche making skills. You smile, the feeling of appreciation overwriting that of exhaust. “Ah, no I didn’t. But if you want to come back during lunch, I’ll save one just for you.”

“i might take you up on that.” His brows curved as if you had given him his first glass of water after so long in the desert.

Over the next few days, you come to expect Sans at the exact same time for his daily quiche. During night shifts at Grillby’s when the sleepiness really hits along with some of the harsher patrons visiting, you think of Sans and it helps. He pays for his quiches in exchange for a brand new joke and Muffet never minds. She swears she knows he’s good for it at the end of the day. You feel that Sans immediately considers you a friend and you can’t help but reciprocate. You learn from the normally silent Grillby that Sans visits the bar just as often for a burger or fries, always leaving just a few seconds before you arrive. Eventually you tell Sans that you work there with the hope maybe he’d stick around and give you a joke to get through the night. He promises he will one day, but a few months later he still hasn’t yet.

Instead you meet another who lightens up your night, the rare occurrences that he does come in. He’s taller than you with red fingerless gloves and a matching cape. He’s loud, hates greasy food, doesn’t like the messiness of the bar and the sticky floor you work hard to keep clean, but you enjoy him. He reminds you of a long lost friend. It’s very similar to how you feel with Sans, but a bit stronger. You want to talk to this stranger, want to make sure that he’s alright and that he enjoys his time at Grillby’s more than any other. Without even knowing his name and going based on what you hear from this possible aspiring superhero, you dive into a hobby you haven’t in a very long time: experimentation, specifically in the food region. It takes weeks of sneaking away Grillby’s left overs and getting the equipment needed from the monster school’s science lab. Thankfully, Lemonbread is friends with the science teacher and helps you get an in to grab what you need and leave.

“You’re early this morning, my love bug?” Muffet was now worried about this side of you. You send her a grin, shifting your bag and shrug.

“Up all night experimenting, Ms. Muffet.”

“Experimenting? Are, are you certain that’s a good idea when you have so little sleep?” 

“I think I was able to create a burger that monsters can eat without getting sick or feeling lethargic because of all the grease.” You bring out the small tupperware box and present it to her. Muffet looked at the food sprinkled with edible glitter for presentation purposes caused her to smile The worry for your sleep schedule vanishing.

“I believe you’ve always been very clever.” She spoke softly, as if caressing a fond memory. “Papyrus is going to love it.”

“How did you know-”

“Oh! The delivery truck is here. Go on, get it for me will you?” Muffet dismissed you before you could question how she knew you’d been working on this for one specific Monster. You didn’t even know Muffet and Papyrus knew each other. You put it back in your bag which you then put in the heated refrigerator to keep during your shift.

“Good morning, Sans!” You greet as the back door opens and he steps in to let you and Lemonbread out.

“you’re wide awake this morning, pal. easy time last night?” He asked while you and your co-worker began bringing in the boxes. You repeat what you’d told Muffet, about being up all night experimenting. There’s no shock on his face, just the same look of fondness.

“who’d you meet to get that idea in your head?”

“His name is Papyrus. He wears-”

The air was sucked out of the room and a nasty chill ran down your spine the moment you said the Monster’s name. Involuntarily you drop the box of vegetables you were holding and wrap your arms around yourself to conserve energy. Without you seeing, Lemonbread appears behind you and drapes a jacket around your shoulders and shoots Sans a look. When you meet his normally black eye sockets, one is glowing a bright blue.

“Wh-what-what did I s-say?” Your shivering stops you from talking easily. “H-how did it get so c-cold in here?”

A single tear drops down from his socket and your lower abdomen shoots pain like nothing you’ve ever felt before. You clutch your stomach and double over, vomiting on the ground and covering your mouth in shame. Suddenly, the sound of drills and mumbled voices surround your head until you can’t think. White flashes blinds you until all your senses are out of your control. You plead for it to stop, unaware of if you’re screaming or saying a word at all. Your bones and teeth feel like they’re cracking under intense pressure, like your very soul is being pushed harder and harder down until you’re suffocated out of existence.


	2. A Fatalistic Warning

_There are Humans in white coats and some with dark capes and protective gear with magic glowing from their fingers. They were asking someone to breathe and the person felt as though whatever was happening had begun to rip them in two parts. The Humans, both with and without magic, had blood everywhere. The Experiment had an overhead light that kept them from seeing what was going on. No comfort could be found here. A scalpel dug into the flesh just as a gas mask was administered to the face and stopping the vision. Somebody was crying. The Experiment woke several hours later._

—

“Here, love bug. Some homemade cider from me will help.”

You were in a cold sweat from the vicious hospital nightmare to find yourself back in your own apartment with Lemonbread and Muffet surrounding you. There was a distinct smell of someone having been sick and you then notice a bucket for throwing up in was right next to you, thankfully empty. You sat up carefully with Lemonbread’s help who kept a cool wash cloth to your forehead. 

“What happened?” You groaned, wincing as you smelled your own breath.

“We were hoping you could tell us.” Muffet’s spindly eyelashes fluttered as she held back tears of concern.

“Sans attacked me. That’s the last thing I remember.” You explained. Betrayal over the assault washed over you. Lemonbread made a sound of protest.

“Oh, darling, not at all.” Muffet denied while following you towards the bathroom.

“I made his brother a burger and the next thing I know, I’m in the worst pain of my life.” You remind while beginning to brush your teeth.

“From where we were standing,” Muffet said, pointing to herself and Lemonbread. “He was protecting you from hurting yourself.”

“I wasn’t able to do anything. I couldn’t even move.” You spit the toothpaste in the sink and rinsed the vile taste from your mouth. “Where’s he at now?”

“He helped bring you here and then he left.” 

You suck in a breath and hold it for a minute to collect your thoughts. The bathroom clock catches your eye and you see you’ve missed three hours at Grillby’s. Swearing under your breath, you rush to change into a pair of jeans and a shirt with the bar’s logo on it. It’s while you’re changing that you notice a scar on your lower stomach, where that unforgettable pain had been.

“You don’t have to go in tonight. Grillby wanted you to rest. He could handle it alone for a day.” Muffet tried to talk you out of it. 

You grab your bag with the still warm burger for Papyrus. “I’m going back to the bakery to feed your pet. Feel free to hang around.”

You don’t make eye contact with either Muffet or Lemonbread, knowing they know you’re lying about feeding the pet. You’d do anything for your boss, but that pet of hers hates anything with an average human amount of limbs. You marched out into the blasting winter weather growing into a blizzard by the morning. Snow carpeted the ground in a powder making your trek towards the bar in the middle of the night a lot easier. This chill was a lot more pleasurable than what Sans or whoever had put you through, but you were still shaking and teeth-chattering. The glow of Grillby’s was soft, beckoning and welcoming and you suddenly had a greater understanding for those who sought solace there. You jogged ahead, hugging the burger to your chest to keep it safe. You were exceptionally proud of he work you’d done and wanted to brave the storm and your own necessity to do something kind for Papyrus.

“HUMAN!”

“Hiya, punk!”

Various other regulars greeted you in the same way, but you liked the familiar way Papyrus and his friend Undyne welcomed others. Grillby set down the glass he’d been cleaning and disappeared into the back. You’d deal with him no wanting you here in a moment, but for now, you had things to take care of. You pull up a chair by their booth.

“Are you guys having a good time?” You ask, noting Undyne’s confused expression.

“WE ARE HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME! IF ONLY THE FOOD WAS EDIBLE AND NOT A GREASY LUMP!”

You smile and are glad to know that everyone in the bar pretty much knows how Papyrus is about the food here and doesn’t mind. 

“What are you doin’ here?” Undyne asks. “We heard you were sick.” 

“I couldn’t stay away from my favorite Monster friends.” You dissuade from talking about earlier. “Not when I have made a delicious meal for you.”

You set your bag on the table after dusting off Undyne’s chip crumbs. You bring out the tupperware box and present it as you had with Muffet and Sans.

“I’ve spent the last few weeks working with Lemonbread to make a special kind of burger just for you! All the great taste of burgers, without the greasy-heavy-bloating feeling you don’t like.”

Papyrus looked at you like Sans had when you offered him a free quiche. “WOW! HUMAN, THIS IS VERY KIND AND NICE OF YOU. YOU ARE TRULY A GREAT FRIEND!”

“Lemme try!” Undyne broke off half to scarf down with great vigilance to texture, taste, and if the bun had gotten soggy at all. “Woah! This is good!”

“I’ll run it by Grillby and see if we can get it on the menu as a specialty.” You placed a hand on Papyrus’s as he still looked starry eyed and wonderfully kind. You wanted to stay there and talk about whatever he wanted to, just to keep him happy.

You excused yourself when Grillby came out of the fire exit and walked over to him.Talking to him was very much like talking to Lemonbread. Both were wonderful listeners and you respected them both intensely, but they never spoke. Lemonbread could, but you struggled to understand them. When Grillby spoke it was mostly like fire crackling and he worked best at not nearly burning his establishment down. His look of disapproval at seeing you there hurt worse than Muffet’s concern on your well being, but you wouldn’t keep what happened from stopping you to be at work. If anything, you needed it more. Something normal to counter-balance the awfulness. Grillby wouldn’t make you go home, he knew it was a lost cause to try. Being on your feet and helping others was where you knew you were meant to be. 

After wrapping a slightly injured apron around your waist, you went around busting tables that Grillby hadn’t gotten to yet. You then went to your main station and where you felt more comfortable than anywhere else: behind the bar. There was nothing better to you than mixing different liquids to see what happened, making people’s favorite drinks, and being at the forefront of the party scene. You heard everything people were talking about and knew more than you possibly should. You’d witnessed affairs beginning, relationships ending, friendships rekindling, and kids having their first drink legally. You knew your regulars and considered yourself at least kind of friends with a good deal of them. When Grillby wasn’t available, you were who people could go to when they needed that special breed of kindness as if it were your entire purpose.

You were blissfully wiping down the bar when someone spoke to you. “Do I know you?”

You looked up and blinked a few times. It wasn’t that strange to have small children come into Grillby’s for a burger or order of fries, but you’d never seen this kind of Monster before. He was small white a striped shirt and tiny horns. He looked goat-like and you only knew two in the town who resembled him: King Asgore and Ms. Toriel. You smiled politely and leaned across the bar to be eye level with him. He climbed up onto the barstool to see you easier as well.

“I don’t believe we’ve ever met before.” You extended your hand and introduced yourself.

“I’m Asriel. I’m looking for someone, but I don’t know his name.” He explained, talking quiet. You had to strain to hear him, but decided to play along. Perhaps he and a friend were playing spies or something.

“What does this someone look like?”

Asriel furrowed his brows in deep thought. “He’s big and he can’t talk with his mouth. I think he only talks-”

“With his hands.” You pulled from somewhere and started feeling sick again. “I’m sorry can you excuse me for a moment.”

You dropped the glass in your hand and stumbled outside to the back of the bar near the dumpsters. You began dry heaving, stomach gnawing in pain as nothing came up. You rubbed your clammy forehead with your sweaty hand and sat against the brick wall with your head in your hands. You’d never felt so sick so randomly before. At least you told yourself that, but it felt like a lie. You take deep breaths and ignore the orange glow as it settles down next to you. Grillby has excellent control of the temperature of his body and doesn’t burn you, only keeps you warm. You apologize through sniffling and promise him that you’ll go home soon. You look up when someone crunches through the snow and stands in front of you.

“mind some company? i think we might be headed the same way.” Sans outstretches his hand. You take it and are immediately startled by the loud farting noise.

“Whoopee cushion in the hand?” You turn his palm over and see it for yourself. You shake your head with a weak laugh.

“good ice breaker, at least.” His smile is wobbly and there’s a bead of sweat at his temple. You stand on your own now and thank Grillby with a hug.

“I’ll call tomorrow.” You promise and feel him sigh with relief. He goes inside and you’re left with Sans.

“guess yah got some questions, huh?” He asks while you begin your trek home.

“Several, but I can visit my doctor in the morning.” You assure him. 

“i know a good one that might put some things in perspective. can i take you to him in the morning?” Sans shucks his jacket and gives it to you. You think it’s going to be too small, but it fits like it was made for you.

“You’ll forgive me if I don’t want to see a male doctor until I know it’s necessary.” You decline, stuffing your hands in the soft jacket pockets and finding several ketchup packets and a crumpled piece of paper.

“he’s not a gynecologist.”

You stop outside your apartment building. “I’d rather wait for a few days and see if this goes away.” 

Sans closed his eyes and looked towards the snow covered street. Feeling guilty, you open your mouth and speak without thinking. “If you’re that worried, you can stay here. In case.”

“i’d like to. thanks, pal.”


	3. The Wind Begins to Moan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Sans visit a specialist in a strange hospital.

Sans comes over each night for a week after making sure Papyrus is asleep and well read to. There was something about that which made your chest tighten, but you didn’t think deep about it. Muffet sends breakfast through Lemonbread when your co-worker visits after shift and Grillby sent a care package of fruits and a card signed by everyone that came through. You’d gone to the doctor only to find out Sans was right and they couldn’t find anything out. He was bringing you to a specialist that lived near Mount Ebbot in the surrounding woods. His methods were strange and he kept his name out of the mouths of anybody, but he was very smart and could help you. Considering how random it happened and how weak you were becoming, you were willing to try anything that got you back to work.

On normal circumstances Sans would have teleported the both of you the long distance, but that wasn’t possible in your condition. You were struggling to walk the path now as it was. He’d brought you a piece of pie made by a friend of his that helped a lot, but you didn’t want to ask for a lifetime supply of them. You had managed a bite the morning before the journey into the wood so you could travel the winding path without passing out. Sans lead the path and you could feel the intensity being back here had brought. You couldn’t remember much about that day or the time before it, but you sympathized. As soon as you stepped on the old war grounds, tears began streaming down your face. Sans patted your arm and tried his arsenal of jokes, but his heart wasn’t in it.

You were expecting a hermit’s shack with this doctor being a specialist that lived in the woods, but this place was far from it. It scaled half the size of the mountain and was made out of concrete and metal like a proper building. Intimidated you walked closer to Sans. Intrigued you leered forward. Smoke started pouring out of the towers atop the building when the pair of you got close to the electric fence. You glanced around at your surroundings while Sans punched in the security code. The trucks locked up in the garage looked very similar to that of the ones Sans drove to make deliveries to the bakery every Monday. You looked at him for an explanation, but he just waved you on through. You stepped from the natural ground of the earth onto the depositived gravel. As official as this place was, you had yet to see a sign proclaiming what it was or any for trespassers to stay out. You tightened your jacket around your shoulders out of anxiety.

“-i-it was h-highly successful! Mettaton was really h-happy and Napstablook, the guest of honor was thrilled.” You recognized Alphys in her white lab coat, but wondered why she wasn’t at the school teaching science. She was talking to a group of people, but none young enough to be school students.

“how’d napstablook go to a party?” Sans asked, catching Alphys off guard. The Humans she was talking to began to whisper amongst themselves.

“H-he hosted one?” Alphys guessed, face reddening.

“that’s surprising. he had no body to go with.” He shrugged and visibly reveled in the laughter from the Humans.

“That was a stretch.” You chided.

“I’m s-surprised to s-see you here.” Alphys addressed you. “Is anything he-helping?”

“Pie is the only thing it seems like.” You guessed, not knowing how she knew you’d been sick.

“is he in?” Sans asked Alphys.

“Y-y-y-you’re taking her to see h-h-h-him?!” Alphys began to fidget with her fingers and sweating profusely. Sans nodded sagely. “I-I-I c-c-can’t help but to a-advise against this!”

“No doctor in town has been able to do anything.” You grant, worried about where this was going.

“we’re delaying the inevitable.”

“Is there a problem with meeting…whoever the doctor is here?” The fear about being here was growing suddenly now and you didn’t much care for being the only one not knowing what was happening.

“N-no!Not, not really. Just feels really soon.” She balled her hands into fists at her side. “But if you think it’ll work, we should do it! You should be able to follow the map on your phone.”

It was rare that you saw these bouts of confidence from Alphys, but they were always well worth it. Like the moon had finally come out after a day of thunderstorms. Hand over your abdomen as if it really helped you stop feeling so ill, you begin following Sans through a series of corridors leading in variant directions. You felt it when you were going along diagonally, knew where he’d turn in a hall where the mirrors were made to look like windows. Everything about this place was incredibly familiar and odd. You may as well had suddenly entered into your dreams. The light at the end of one of the halls would tell if this was a nightmare or not. It was all grey, metallic, and cold. The smell was sterile and just above being comparable to a hospital. Sans kept a calm face, his eye sockets unusually darker than normal and his brows creased. Opposite to you, he looked contemplative and melancholic rather than unnerved yet curious. He took your hand and stills your twitching fingers. His phalanges are warmer somehow than you’d expect.

The elevator is about the size of a normal office and only had one button. Sans presses it and has to enter another code before the doors shut and you begin the descent. You hear your phone turning off, but the sound is off. It electrocutes you when you take it from your jacket pocket and drop it on the ground. Sans in turn pockets it for you without any problem. You attribute that ability to a question for this doctor and let it go for now. Pressure begins to build up in your temples, forcing you to sit down on the ground with your head between your legs. There’s a gentle push back that sends you against the wall a little more. Sans jumps when the elevator begins to rise. You scold him with a look and he chuckles, satisfied with himself. Normally you’d be the one to prank someone by jumping in lifts, but you can’t handle it right now. Grateful as you are that Sans still can joke here, whatever this place is, does little to comfort you. It only gives you the peace of mind that things aren’t as dire as they could be.

When the doors open finally, you’re standing somewhere quite unexpected: near the clouds. The wind is blowing harsher up here and the temperature is at least forty degrees colder. You zip your jacket up and pull the hood on and follow Sans in more confusion than ever. If you’d been going down the entire time, how on earth did you manage to be so high up? Your knees begin to wobble and it feels as though the entire structure begins to sway. It’s as if you’re walking on a rickety bridge floating on the water and the only thing holding it up are puppet strings. You feel the need to sit and scoot your entire way just so you don’t fall out the windows now made to look like mirrors. You can tell by the thickness of the glass that something isn’t quite right with them. There’s a millisecond of a delay that only your brain could ever possibly notice. Your train of thought leads you to believe they’re camera recordings. None, no matter how high tech, could ever be so close to spot on. Sans places your hand on a wall attached grab bar most hospitals have to help the injured walk around the halls. In the “mirror” the color is off by a pixel.

“almost there, pal. you’re doin’ a lot better than the last guy.”

You went tense. “What happened to him?”

“got his left side stuck in the elevator. he’s all right now.”

“You’re going to give me a heart attack.” 

“your elbow’s not injured is it?”

“Worried about cracking my humorous are you?” You returned. 

“just trying to practice my routine.”

“You got a gig tonight?” 

“there’s a patient coming in later. gotta make sure these jokes aren’t going to kill.” 

“You’re on the right track.” 

“feeling better now? no vertigo?”

“Yeah.” You smile. “Thank you, Sans.”

“anytime.”

You know your getting closer to where you need to be because your heart starts thudding wildly in your chest. You arrive at a double door, bolted and black with purple diamond shapes going across the middle. To unlock this door, Sans has you stay back while he uses an iris scanner on his glowing yellow and blue eye. He deposits his jacket into a chute and receives a white lab coat in return. Somehow you don’t believe Alphys went through all this trouble to obtain the one she was wearing in the main floor. Sans grabs your wrist and quickly pricks your finger to drop your blood onto another scanner which then glows green and calls you by your full name. The doors then open and you’re greeted with pitch blackness that Sans disappears into while you struggle to follow. They shut closed as soon as you’re on the other side. You’re then in the face of a machine that reads STATE YOUR BUSINESS in red letters. 

“I was told you can help me figure out what’s wrong with me.”

ANSWER UNACCEPTABLE 

From somewhere surrounding you, Sans calls into the void your name. “she’s remembering.”

ANSWER IMPOSSIBLE: SUBJECT DEAD

“tell him what you did for me and pap’s.”

“I-I made Sans a quiche and Papyrus a special burger that won’t make him sick. Look, I just need whatever medicine will make this go away so I can get back to work.”

ANSWER IMPROBABLE: NEED MORE EVIDENCE

“I work at Muffet’s bakery and Grillby’s bar-slash-diner. I got so sick and I thought Sans had attacked me the first time. The second time was after I met this kid and Sans was nowhere around.” 

“kid? what kid?”

“His name was…Asriel? The King’s son. He asked for his friend who I guess is mute or deaf, they do sign language.”

ANSWER POSSIBLE: PATIENT ACCEPTED

The lights came on then and you were thrust into complete whiteness, causing your head to ache and for you to fall to the floor. In the middle of the circular room stood a man over a foot taller than yourself. You couldn’t quite see, but you’d swear there was a crack on his face. He pulled over a gas mask and you noticed Sans already had one on. The gas surrounded you, but it didn’t smell chemically or lethal. You’d still rather not be knocked out though you don’t feel yourself fighting it.The last thing you see before you completely collapse is the stranger reaching around you gently and lifting you. There’s a purple glow around him, but you don’t think it’s really there. You hadn’t been able to see that color in years.


	4. When the Dawn Comes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet the specialist who makes quite the impression.

Sans is caressing your hair when you wake strapped to a surgical table with an anesthesia mask on your face. He is wearing a surgical mask, but you can tell when he smiles by the way his eyes crinkle. You don’t even notice the strange specialist until he pricks a needle into your arm. Sans removes the equipment from your face carefully and replaces it with a surgical mask of your own. A tear spills out of your eye and with it all he anxiety and nausea from earlier. Inside your body resides only calm and serenity. You realize it’s due to the shot when you can feel it traveling through to your bloodstream. Both Monsters are examining you with such fiery intensity. The stranger unbuckles the restraints while Sans comes around and waves a quilt over you.

You’re awake the entire time as the gurney is moved from hallway to hallway. Sans is guiding the top half of you while the stranger moves your lower by using the safety bars on the left side of you. You still haven’t properly been able to see his face and wonder about him. Something inside of you is very sad when you see him even with the shot neutralizing your emotions. You fight against how desperately weak you are and the shakiness of your hand to place it atop his. There is no softer, warner, feeling in the world. His thumb covers yours without even thinking. It’s such a natural reaction that it frightens you to do so you retract your hand and place it beneath the quilt. There’s a soft purple glow that surrounds you and tucks the quilt in so you’re more comfortable. His face turns sideways and when he sees you’re already looking at him, he closes his eyes as if in deep regret.

You’re transported into a room unlike any hospital room you’ve ever seen. It’s the size of an apartment with the layout of a hotel room. The floors are wooden and most of the walls are an off white except for the section behind the bed which is colored black. It’s decorated with a few paintings and several potted plants scattered throughout. You pass by the open kitchen with stone floors and can smell the fire magic from the oven having been recently used. You are transported onto the large king size bed by the specialist while Sans lights the fireplace. It’s now that you’re worried about how you’re going to pay for all of this. The specialist makes a series of hand gestures to Sans who nods along with whatever he’s being told. The taller skeleton then looks your way and lowers his mask. You’ve never in your life studied any kind of sign language other than your own name and somehow you understand exactly what he says without missing a beat.

_You’ve suffered intense trauma due to an injury at the head. The damage is several years old and I believe current events are causing you to experience post traumatic stress disorder._

“Can you tell what happened to me?”

_You were struck and it looks as though Magic was used inadequately to heal you._

“This started when Sans was…protecting me from something. I’d known him already by then.”

_From my position, it could have just as easily started when you were tending to your asters._

You furrow your brow at this assessment. “How do you know I own asters?”

Sans leaves at this and the doctor sits at your bedside. You think you should be, but you’re not concerned over this at all. _We know each other, a very long time ago at least. It was just a hope that you still had them._

That made your next question feel more awkward. “What is your name?”

 _See if this helps._

He pulls out a slip of crumpled paper from his labcoat breast pocket and hands it to you. The writing itself is completely illegible to you, but the signature is not. It’s a small drawing of an aster, a hand, and a capital G. Before several months ago it would have meant not much to you. When you started to work on Papyrus’s special burger, you dug around in your closet for an unused composition notebook. Buried in the bottom of a large box you found one filled with notes between yourself and an unknown source. In your own writing, you had written asters, hand drawings, and capital G’s all over the pages near your own name. It started like something that would be in a love letter, but as the pages ended, your handwriting had gone way more frenzied and urgent as if trying to convey a sense of helplessness. As if you hadn’t wanted to forget those three symbols, but were losing it anyway.

“You were important to me.”

He nodded solemnly. _You meant more to me._

“Someone wanted me to forget you.” You rationalize. “The care you’re talking about me having wasn’t well done. I would’ve never remembered if that were the case.”

_Possibly._

You sat up carefully and reached for his hand. He permitted you to remove his glove and examine his hand. There’s a black mark on his ring finger in the same place where you have a scar. 

“What do you know about me?” You ask, hoping he may have some answers.

_More than you might think I should know._

“I have two scars right here.” You motion towards your lower stomach just above the pubic hairline. “Where are they from?”

_Perhaps we should save that question for another time._

“But you do know where they’re from.”

 _It was the last day I ever saw you._ He curved his fingers around yours. You notice then that not only do your ring finger scars match, they create a heart shape when put together.

“We were Soulmates. Were we married?”

_…yes._

He’s surprised as you are when you lean forward and seek comfort from him. You loved him at one point in your life. Some of that was still there within your heart, for you’ve never felt so safe than when he has been near you. It takes him a moment, but he finally does wrap you in his arms as you begin to cry out of your own control. There were parts of your life that were missing, you knew that much. Never in a million years would you have ever guessed that it was this. It hadn’t been long since the Monsters emerged from the Underground either. How many years had you been apart from your spouse? What had split you apart so much? You looked at the scar on your finger which, up until now, you’d always thought was just a strange squiggle. You had friends with Soulmate marks, some who married them and some who chose not to. At some point, you and he found each other. Something about that helped you. No matter that you didn’t remember his name, you knew for a solid fact he would not harm you.

“Will you promise to be completely honest with me?” You ask, only for the verbal confirmation. He nodded against your shoulder.

_Before we move further I must tell you something. Above all else I will do whatever I think is best for your health. I’m a doctor first._

“I understand. I’d like it better that way, so we can reconnect.”

He withdrew from your shoulder and placed his forehead to yours. _That being said, if you must know, it would be very easy for me to fall in love with you all over again._

“You must be needing to get back to other patients.” You remind, reaching up to hold his cheek as if you’d done so a million times before. “We can talk more later.”

_You’ll be the last one on my rounds tonight. If you need anything, Sans will be with you. Or call for me. My name is Dr. Gaster._

“Thank you for your help, Dr. Gaster.” You smile. “You two seem close. Did I know him before as well?”

_You were the first to ever love him. I think losing you hurt him worse than it did me._

After he left, Sans came in. You lifted yourself off the hospital bed and embraced him, telling him what the doctor had told you. He sputtered a mix between a laugh and a strangled cry, agreeing with the assessment at how much losing you hurt. You promised you never would again. You’d never return to work again if meant you had to hurt Sans or the doctor, and in turn Papyrus all things considering. You sit back down on the bed while Sans informs you that no patient ever pays for their room in this place. The specialist does out of his own pocket and with a very generous monthly donation from King Asgore. That makes you rest a little easier and conversation just seems to flow from there. More than your own apartment, this feels like home. Sans smiles to himself when he sees you looking at the half-heart on your ring finger.

“after today i’m terrified of elevators. you’ve ruined them for me.”

“You were the one doing that jump thing!” 

“i know, i know. i’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.”

“Oh my god, Sans.” You rolled your eyes, rubbing your temple.

“i was going to tell you my paper joke, but it’s tearable.”

“I’m taking a nap.”

“aw, i was going to tell you about your wedding. it was so beautiful even the cake was in tiers.”

“I’ll call you if I need anything.” You wave to shoo him out of the room.

“you can just call me sans, it’s a lot easier.”

“Sans!” 

“see?”


	5. Beautiful Then

It’s so late in the night that morning was nearing by the time you see the Specialist again and it isn’t even for a welcoming visit. During your much needed rest, you’d experienced an episode of sickness and fear worse than anything you had before. It left you paralyzed, yet awake and aware. You couldn’t answer Sans when he returned from grabbing food for you both and he summoned the Specialist. He comes to your side at a speed that would rival Sans’s teleportation and knocks the door of its hinges. He runs tests for half an hour before finally being able that you knew what was going on around you. He exhales all the air he’d kept in his lungs and is able to inject you with a shot pumped full of magic and adrenaline that shocks your Soul out of your body. As with most Humans there are multiple colors, but the two most prominent are yellow and blue. The color of Sans’s eye when he’s using Magic he doesn’t have complete control over.

The Specialist barely lays a finger on it and your body convulses as images flash through. Bombs, bombs, bombs, flashing of arrows and Magic and gunpowder and forcefields. Black bags, blindness, white lights, pain. So much pain. Too much pain and then a baby cry. Names of everyone you’ve ever met begin pounding through your head from the day you were born up until now. There are three that repeat. Wingdings. Sans. Papyrus. Sans. Wingdings. Papyrus. Backwards, forwards, touch, grab, separation. They were taken from you, during the first War. Humans and Monsters could not live together peacefully, much less someone as important to the Monsters’ side as Wingdings. You were placed in an internment camp. Tortured, until the life you lead was nothing but a memory. Your wedding had been officiated by King Asgore and witnessed by Garrison. 

You came back into reality with a gasp and immediately reach down to feel where your scars are on your lower stomach. You look at Gaster who nods, solemnly. You looked at Sans. You were the first one to love him because you carried him into existence. It affected him the most. He remembered everything about being forced away from you, leaving you alone. Just after Papyrus was born. Forcibly. Far too early. You’d never held him in your arms. You weren’t even certain you named either of them for that matter. You stumble getting up with Gaster’s help and fall in front of Sans to wrap your son in your arms and hold him tight as possible. There still felt like pieces were missing and at this point you weren’t certain if you deserved to have them back or not. You draw back and kiss his forehead, surprising both of you that it happens and that he allowed you.

“Can you call Papyrus and get him here without leaving my sight?” You request, holding him by his face. “I need to talk to…your father.”

“i’ll try not to tall the others. we might not get the phone back for another hour. you’ve got some folks that have missed you.”

Relenting your grip on him, you watch him all the way to the kitchen space as he phones Papyrus and Undyne. He’ll vanish forever again if you rip your eyes away from him. The only thing that steals your attention at all is a soft, hesitant touch to your arm. The Specialist, Wingdings your brain happily supplies, comes around to your side. You tuck yourself into him and wrap your arms around his waist. Sans glances your way and there are tears in his eyes just as disbelieving as you are. Wingdings tightens his hold on you and you look up to his face. There is a deep seeded love and affection for him and an attraction you’d swear you’d never felt before. Sans leaves to collect Papyrus and Undyne who demanded to come and see what the big deal was. You miss your son already.

“Can’t I go downstairs with him?” You ask Wingdings. He shakes his head and pats the bed for you to sit back down.

_Papyrus will need a bit of time. He will be elated, although like most children of separated parents, he will be hopeful of us getting together again._

“Which is not off the table.” You place your hand over his as he holds your arm to check your blood pressure and heart rate. He blushes when you both hear it increase.

_We still must be gentle with him. Just in case._

“I have no doubt about you, Wingdings.” 

_You’re still the only one that can get away with calling me by that._ He signs with one hand while rubbing a thermometer across your forehead. 

“Do you ever leave here?” You ask, wondering where he lives. Perhaps you may be able to visit each other a bit easier. You know you love him and that he cares for you, but at the current time living together still feels like you’re moving too fast. You still want him near when he can be and don’t think you can visit him here all of the time.

_It would be unethical if I did. I would love to go and be somewhere with you, but my patients here require my attention._

“Somewhere?”

_Anywhere._

Your chest warms and you’re about to make a million promises when there’s a knock to the door. Gaster moves back quickly and stands up as if the pair of you had been doing something other than talking. There’s a tint of purple beneath his eyes you can see and it makes you happy. You reach for his lab coat and tug to ask him to sit with you. He glances at you, phalanges pressed to the line where his mouth is, distracted and in thought. Something snaps within him and Gaster smiles before sitting at your bedside. Adjusting to where you’re both comfortable, you press a button on the same remote which controls the television volume to allow the door to unlock. Sans surely had a key card and you briefly wondered why he wouldn’t use it. In he walked, Papyrus right behind him and Undyne loitering back. You wave her in. Hopefully with her here as Papyrus’s designated best friend she could help this process go a lot more smooth. You wish Lemonbread or Muffet were here for you. Your heart feels like it isn’t thudding at all, but the monitor promises that it is. Gaster adjusts and places his hand at the small of your back. You don’t acknowledge it in case it would make him stop.

“Human?” Papyrus’s voice is quieter, not his usual ecstatic tone that you’ve come to be familiar with in his rare yet often visits to Grillby’s.

“I’m so happy to see you.” You pat the empty space near you. He sits, sending a worried look to Undyne and Sans.

“I am delighted to see you as well, my friend!” He perks up, though not by much. There is something that stings about him calling you a friend, but you don’t feel upset about it. Sensing the awkward tension, Undyne steps forward with a basket.

“There’s been a lotta people worried about yah.” She admonishes as if you’re in trouble for it. She sets the basket down in your extended arms. Removing the towel and plastic lead, you find it full of spaghetti with baked goods on type in the very typical Muffet-made fashion.

“Did you pair make this?” Tears are welling in your eyes.

“grillbz also sent somethin’.” Sans picks out a napkin wrapped burger from his pocket. There’s a bit of fuzz, but you don’t find it unappealing. Even with a bite taken out of it.

“Are you feeling any better? I would have been here sooner, but Sans wouldn’t allow it! Even Undyne thought it was a bad idea.” He cast a dirty glance towards his brother and friend standing by the kitchens.

“They were right. As much as I have missed you, I haven’t been much for company the last few days.” 

“But you are now?” Papyrus asks.

“I’m getting there, but yes.” You nod in assurance. “There is something I’ve recently learned that I wanted to tell you and your brother.”

You aren’t sure how to explain it and if Gaster wasn’t there, you probably wouldn’t have been able to say it coherently. You start at the beginning where you know best: you’d lost your memory during the Monster and Human War. Before that, you had an entire life you recently remembered, in parts, having. Papyrus nods along while you tell and eventually realization dawns on him. You knew he’d figure something out eventually, he can be quite clever while thinking with his heart. What he didn’t quite gather, was that Gaster was his father. You don’t know what happened to Wingdings and the Monsters while they were underground, but it seems he wasn’t part of the skeleton brother’s lives entire either. Papyrus had just been born when you were separated him, but it apparently wasn’t long after that Gaster was as well. You move closer and Papyrus hugs you when he sees how much all of this bothers you.

“I don’t believe this.” Undyne snarks, something like betrayal in her eyes. “That’s not…you don’t get to do this.”

“Undyne-”

“No! You’re saying you just had- what? Amnesia for whatever amount of years that you just snap out of? Sans, how can you be okay with this!” She continues against whatever Papyrus was going to say.

“i knew.” Sans shrugs, not bothered by her raising voice while Papyrus looks increasingly worried.

“There’s no way it possibly could have happened like that.” Undyne scowls, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What did you think was happening?” You ask, to get her point of view.

“I don’t know! That you were having nightmares and were getting sick from lack of sleep or something.” 

“Undyne, aren’t you at least happy we know our human friend is healthy?” Papyrus tries. You smile at him for trying.

“You can’t ask me to trust this.” She vehemently denies. “I’m going to find Alphys. Unless you’re suddenly her cousin or something?”

“Hardly.” You mutter and then notice that Gaster has tightened his hold on the back of your shirt. Undyne storms out.

“Oh wow.” Papyrus rubs his hands together. “If I’d known all this was happening, I’d have put cinnamon in the spaghetti.”

“she’ll be fine.” Sans promises, hopping himself up on the bed and lying back on your pillow. He closes his eyes and within seconds, he’s asleep.

 _I agree. Unsuspecting news can come quite a shock to many parties involved._ Gaster says, but he’s still angry if the tenseness in his phalanges are any indicator.

“Give her some time. She’ll see I don’t mean either of you any harm.” You comfort. “Shall we taste some of this spaghetti you’ve made?”

Papyrus perks up at that and you’re happier for it. He grows louder with each passing moment and while you’re hiding disgust over the amount of sugar in the spaghetti, you’re more at ease. Gaster doesn’t move a muscle the only thing that could make that better was if you knew what had bothered him so much. You and Papyrus eat all of it together, saving the desserts for last as much as Sans tries to grab one when he wakes from his nap. You pick out a muffin from the variety and try not to blush when Gaster says it’s his favorite. You don’t know if he means that or if it’s just a line, but it makes you happy either way. By reflex as well you break apart a cookie and give Sans the half with he most raisins. You know them as easily as you do yourself and don’t believe it’s from the last few months.

Gaster leaves to tend to his patients and a moment later Sans dismisses himself as well leaving you and Papyrus. He turns on the television when his favorite show comes on and you watch his eyes glisten at the sight of his favorite rectangular celebrity more than he show Mettaton is hosting. It’s an anniversary episode of the first time Mettaton got a human to cry, so there’s a marathon of episodes for you two to catch up on. Papyrus tries his hardest to stay awake to no avail. He nuzzles into the jacket you were using as an extra pillow and falls asleep. You pull the thin blanket up and tuck him in. You kiss your finger and touch it to his temple, just this once to say that you did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for missing last week's update! That just means you'll hopefully get two this week.


	6. A New Day

Papyrus returns every single day to visit you, now without Undyne though he brings other guests who he thinks should meet you. He starts with Muffet and Lemonbread who confess to having had known, but were instructed not to tell you out of fear you’d breakdown completely. They’d only heard stories about your separation from Gaster, though not the entire story or how you’d just had Papyrus when it all happened. There are a lot of tears with them which Papyrus mistakes as bad and doesn’t bring them back of his own choice. Next he brings by a few dogs he’d believed might make your “sad hospital time” a bit better, and it does until one of them steals your purse. 

Absorbs is a more accurate term, but you don’t want to think about how to get it back so you just assume it’s stolen forever.

After that he brings by Snowdrake to tell you bad jokes after seeing how well you get along with Sans and it gradually goes up from there. He brings in Woshua to clean your room, Shyren to sing you a song, and Vulkin to keep you warm at night. You also get a visit from the Spiders that work the bake sale, and Nice Cream Guy brings free treats after you give him a gently used punch card. He doesn’t want to bring anybody major to your previous life until Gaster thinks you can adequately handle seeing old faces. Considering your latest batches of hysteria each and every night when left alone, you agree. As much as you want to see those who’d supported your relationship and old friends, you don’t want to be weird and have a mental breakdown in front of them. As much as they want to be with you, Sans, Papyrus, and Gaster couldn’t stay by your side all night.

“I love them all more than anything.” You tell Lemonbread when they come by on their own one Sunday for tea. “But I’m stifled here. I want to go back to my own apartment, my own bed. And I want them with me.”

Lemonbread closes their eyes and nods in understanding. 

“How did you reconcile Aaron with your sister when you reconnected? I think Undyne has parts of her that are still unsure about Humans, especially those that get close with her friends.” 

Lemonbread closes their eyes and leans back as if mimicking a nap, or more likely, peaceful silence. They then point up towards the clock on the wall. You nod in understanding and sigh. You’d figured as much as well, but had hoped perhaps Lemonbread could offer some sort of solace or advice for this situation. They would both have Undyne’s point of view as well as yours. You lean back in your chair and take a few deep breaths. With Lemonbread, you’ve always been able to live in comfortable silence without needing to talk. If you had to pick, and if you were one to really do so, you would choose them to hang out with after work and be with on weekends. They were a calm during any stressful storm in your life from Muffet ordering too many chives to finding out Sans and Papyrus were yours. The only problem was that they got a little too nervous around Gaster and always left.

Not too long after the last time Lemonbread left and before Gaster came back while making his rounds, you experienced another episode. It was late at night and you should have been asleep, but something about this day had you on edge constantly. It wasn’t as bad as the last time, but Gaster still took it just as seriously as a doctor. He kept you as the final patient of his day for this reason: so he could spend more time with you without feeling guilty about it. He sat you down, helped you drink some water, and you suddenly didn’t want him to leave your side. You gripped his sleeve and stop looking at his eye sockets even as he lied down next to you. 

_The life of the wife of a doctor is very lonely._ He sighed with extra limbs that were covered in black goop yet never seemed to drop on you.

“I do miss you.” You confess, nestling his jawline. “I just need to be with you tonight.”

Gaster wraps his real limbs around you and draws you in to his chest. _I cannot count the amount of times you’ve told me that._

“Was I often lonely?” You’d thought what he said was just an observation. You were under the impression the pair of you were very happy and had only not been towards the end when you were no longer together.

_There were accusations that Papyrus wasn’t mine._

You don’t like to believe you ever would have an affair, but it answers something else. “Is that why the Undyne situation bothered you?” 

_No. I knew you wouldn’t be unfaithful. Every night, every single night, you’d come into my lab and invite me to bed. Papyrus was either a miracle, or when we knew we’d possibly never see each other again._

“Can you stay with me tonight?”

He kisses your forehead. _If I could go back, there’s not a night you’d ever be away from me._

You shift onto your side and place your hand on his cheek. Without thinking, you draw him near and aim to kiss him. Gaster moves last second and you press your lips to his scalp. As if you had, he squeezes you tighter and sighs.

_I’d rather be away from you knowing that you love me than be in bed with you knowing you don’t._

That snaps your heart and hurts far worse than if he’d just stabbed you. “I’ve told you before that I have no doubt about my feelings for you. I love you.”

 _I can’t…_ He sits up on the edge of the bed and puts his head in his hands. _I’ve had too many nights of hearing you say that only to know I’m all alone._

You brows curve in sadness for him. You wonder if this has anything to do with when he couldn’t be with Sans and Papyrus in the underground. You run your mind around trying to think of something that will help and come up with a solution that’s probably terrible.

“Pancake waffles are blue.” 

He looks over his shoulder at you in confusion. 

“I like corn syrup on my little smokies.”

_That is inaccurate._

“So you know it’s really me talking. Would the hallucinations say something so crazy?”

Gaster smiles then. _You’re such a strange breed of smart._

“Did we meet in a physics classroom?” 

_Shall I tell you?_ He asks, slowly moving back to lay with you. 

“If it isn’t painful.”

——————

Many, many years ago when Humans and Monsters lived above ground as it was intended, you worked in a bar that allowed Monsters. Tensions were growing between Humans and Prince Asgore following the death of the King and it made places like yours basically outlawed. The bar was operated much like a speakeasy with the only library in town out front. A young bookish snail lover named Toriel worked there while she went to college to one day be a teacher. She knew about the illegal activity, but never participated. In a sense she was the gatekeeper who you owed your very life to.

You planned on trying University again later in the year and were working to help build your bank account for that future debt you were no doubt going to have. Your enigmatic co-worker Grillby was an absolute delight and helped you learn how to cook Monster specific food. He constantly talked about the one day when he’d own his own 5 Star Restaurant and have all the highest class of Humans and Monsters attend. In his vision, he’d have a guest list, a mixology license, and make something that would taste as good as a burger and fries but he could charge high for it. You didn’t really have any goals like that. You took the day as it came, sat back, and relaxed. As long as you’d one day get a bachelor’s degree, you couldn’t care less. 

Wingdings “W.D.” Gaster came undercover on the side of Monsters to report back to Prince Asgore on the Humans manipulating Monsters into their side. He gave the secret code to Toriel who allowed him in under promise that the bartender would show him a good time. Instead you were there busting tables and looking utterly exhausted. From his point of view, you were the one being manipulated into used as a slave. Gaster, who hadn’t yet made ability to conjure multiple hands or use any of the Magic you now knew he could, had a need to protect you. Before he knew your name, or the shape of your nose, or if you preferred black coffee or English Breakfast tea, he wanted to keep you safe.

“Can I get you a burger? Garrison makes a good one.” You motion towards the sea turtle in the back. Gaster raised a brow. Garrison was in the same line of work as him and was supposed to be there undercover as well.

Gaster shook his head in confusion. A few minutes later, out you walked with an order of fries and a glass of wine. You’d said it was on the house and he looked too thin. To this day, the weight he’s gained is because of you keeping him fed. Even back then he was always too busy to eat. There were several other Humans there, but from that moment you were the only creature on his radar. He watched your every moment and thought he’d been exceedingly discreet. Until you sat down while the live entertainment was singing her heart out. For a long time, this would be the last time you’d hear Undyne’s mother sing. She’d get called to the Frontline in a few weeks where she’d meet Undyne’s father. The next time you’d see her, Undyne would be two days old and taken away. Warning you, later pregnant with Papyrus, to make plans.

For now you were trying to get the Stranger in a black tie to open up and share his fries, completely unaware that he couldn’t talk without his hands. Garrison called your name and you stood too quickly and spilled Gaster’s drink you kept filled. Gaster then began signing away that wasn’t any specific style outside his own. Unlike any other Human, you immediately knew exactly what he was saying. You never knew how important that was to him. It was the very first moment in his entire life when Wingdings fell in love with you. Not the last, but each time after wasn’t as important as the feeling of finally being understood by someone. Specifically a race he’d been set out to spy on. Gaster slowly became a regular only to see you. This would have been an issue when Prince Asgore came to see what was going on, but Toriel was a little too good at keeping the authorities out of the secret bar. They were engaged before Gaster finally asked you out. Monster-Human relationships were as taboo as anyone could get, so all your dates were during your break or there in the bar when you got off from work. Then Gaster learned teleportation, giving the Monsters an upper hand in the war. He used it to come visit you in your apartment. 

_How can I prove to you that everything I do now is to protect you._ If he could, Gaster would have yelled that at you. You do it for him.

“I can’t believe anything from a narc!” You yell, throwing a vase of asters at him. “You are a spy, Gaster. You were there to kill me or worse.”

_If they know that I love you, you will be tortured to find out how I do what I do._

“If you love me at all, you’d have told me so I’d know I was in danger! Instead I find out this morning when the Human cops are beating down my door looking for blueprints.”

 _I love you with my entire Soul. You know that or else you would have given them the keys._ He reminds, knowing it’s something you know.

“You don’t touch me, Gaster. You don’t even hold my hand in secret.”

Gaster sits next to you on the sofa. _If I held you, how could I tell you how pretty you are, how much I missed you?_

“I thought we were at the point where we could sit and shut up for a few minutes. You never act like you even want to be around me.” You pout, crossing your arms.

Gaster leaves for weeks and all your left with is a slammed door. He doesn’t know what you do in that meantime, but he remembers when he returns. You throw a bucket at his head and he catches it with an extra arm he produces from nowhere. He wrapped them around you and pulled you close as he signs out how much he missed you, just like you wanted. He didn’t let go for the rest of the night. Your feet never even touched the ground.


	7. Wait for the Sunrise

This is what it must feel like to wake in a patch of grass after a first date picnic with either a loved one or by oneself. There’s no better way to describe this. You’ve slept maybe four hours and the dawn isn’t even rising yet. There are arms, multiple pairs like they’d protect you more than the safety bars on the hospital bed. At the base of your neck, coming out in soft breaths over your shoulder, are warm snores. His real hands that don’t drip drop black goo are covering yours. You bring them beneath your chin. You roll over to face him and kiss his chin. He doesn’t wake completely up, but his fingers tread through your hair and keep you close so he can sleepily kiss your lips. He takes your breath away. He burrows into the crook of your neck and sighs, causing you to laugh at the tickling feeling, before you cringe at that being against your neck.

“Beautiful.” Your murmur into the moonlight. 

One of Gaster’s goopiest hands caresses your hair tirelessly causing it to grease just a touch, but nothing too heavy. You don’t know if you’ve ever felt so at peace or have seen something so perfect in this way. Another of his hands is writing and flipping through papers to get everything ready for the following shift. Adjusting to lie on Gaster’s chest doesn’t disturb the work other than a pause and you’d swear the hand had looked at you somehow. You’d learned so much about Monsters in a brand new way these last few weeks that it wouldn’t have surprised. Sans and Gaster can teleport and Papyrus can outright defy the laws of physics at will. You’ve seen Papyrus jump from your window and somehow land on the side of the building. Sans moves in a time span as thin as a strand of hair. He’s currently napping on the uncomfortable looking couch when he wasn’t there a moment ago. Carefully, you slip from Gaster’s increasingly protective hold on you and walk over to the nurse’s closet. 

Carrying as many pillows and blankets as you possibly can, you raise Sans’s head and move him onto the pillows where he’d be more comfortable. When you imagine doing this while he was a baby, you don’t have to think too hard. He’s there in the back of your mind wrapped in blue and glowing. It’s when you try the same with Papyrus that things start to grow fuzzy. Sans rolls over, taking most of the blankets with him and knocking several pillows off in the floor. It’s there that you notice a hairline fracture in the same place where Gaster’s large wound is over his eye. You reach forward and trace it lightly with your thumb and find it circles all the way to the back of his skull. A harsh chill rolls up your spine as if this has all suddenly become a drastic nightmare and you’re never waking up. You pull your hand back the moment there is a grip on your shoulder. Gaster is there looking as sad as a Monster possibly could. He extends a hand, but you stand on your own.

The next time you wake up the morning light has settled in and warming your corner of the world. Sans has moved from the couch to the windowsill, but he’s still asleep and using one of the pillows you’d brought him. Papyrus is in the floor quietly doing a puzzle with another Human who you’d not yet had the pleasure of meeting. Their name is Frisk. They’re a little older than when you’d first seen them on the television, but still with a curtain of bangs and an affinity for striped sweaters. They were fixing to be in the sixth grade and the captain of the snail race team. You’d only noticed this because they were the only thing Mettaton loved more than Mettaton. Or so you thought. By the end of this day in particular, you’d find Mettaton’s heart in the most unlikely of places. For now, you sat down in the floor and helped Papyrus and Frisk with their puzzle of a dog bounding through the fields of sunflowers. Frisk signs as well, but it’s different than how Gaster does and you don’t quite translate it easily. They mostly communicate through an elaborate series of facial expressions anyway. 

Normally Alphys is the one to bring you your lunch, but lately she’s been keeping Undyne busy while Papyrus visits. Kind volunteer nurses were taking her place, but they didn’t come by today. Gaster did, as he would with anyone he was planning on releasing shortly. Parts of you weren’t ready to go back. You couldn’t wait to return to work and familiarity, but there was a pain beneath your ribs at the idea of going. Somehow that was a conversation Gaster had yet to discuss with you- how this was ever going to work again when neither of you were willing to compromise on leaving their own home. So the moment he walked in carrying a tray of food in his hands, there was a feeling of hopelessness he brought too. The pair of you stare at each other so long Sans and Papyrus made some excuse of getting Frisk back to their mom.

You knew Gaster didn’t want you to go back, but it was never more prevalent than when you were alone with him. He set down the tray and wrapped you in his arms for just a moment.

 _It’s time for your evaluation on whether you are able to-_ He cuts himself off. He exhales after a moment, head clearing. _If you are able to live a normal life again without medical assistance._

“Okay.” You step forward and smile, placing your hand in his. “It’ll be okay.”

_This is a very difficult part of my job. I want my patients to get better, but I do miss them._

“I’m not going to leave and never see you again. There have been worse long distance relationships.” You tried convincing yourself.

_I have thought on every possible outcome. None are ideal._

“Then I’ll live with you. At night, I’ll come back and I’ll leave in the morning.” You brush your thumb over his cheek bone. “I want to be a doctor’s wife again. At least this way I can see Sans and Papyrus easier.”

 _You would want that loneliness again?_

“For you. Wingdings, all I see in your eyes is how alone you feel. Even when you look at Sans or Papyrus, it’s just the feeling that at the end of the day you’re coming home to an empty bed.” You place your hand on the side of his neck. “Come home to me. It’s what we both want.”

_Last night was wonderful, if not highly unethical. I’ll grant you that._

“Ooh~ What happened last night?” A robotic voice attached to a square robotic body rolled in. Gaster moved to pull back, but you held him close. 

“not sure if i wanna know.” 

Sans walks in wearing a lab coat over his soft blue jacket. He’s carrying a clipboard which he tosses to Gaster who catches it with extra hands instead of letting you go. He reads it over and nods at Sans who rolls his eyes and plops down on a chair to eat a hot dog from his pocket. You’ll address his dietary habits later. For now you send him a look while addressing the robot Monster to introduce yourself.

“So you were the one I have been hearing about so much! Oh, you are darling.” The robot fawns over you. “I have been waiting on this day for years.”

“YOU’RE HERE! OH, GOODIE! I’VE BROUGHT AN EXTRA PLATE OF SPAGHETTI. I TRIED USING YOUR RECIPE BUT UNDYNE SAID-” 

Papyrus stops short as soon as he notices Mettaton shaking your hand. He fumbles a bit with the items he is carrying and you can see color come into his world if the glisten in his eyes are anything to go by. Even Mettaton’s hold on your hand goes lax, stiff as it is. You glance towards Gaster who has a tiny knowing smile on his face that probably nobody else would notice other than you. 

“I don’t mind that you didn’t.” You break the prolonged, tense, silence. “I want you to stay friends with her.”

“Hmm? Oh, yes! Staying friends is very important.” Mettaton agrees, awkwardly.

“WELL, THIS IS AWKWARD. I’M JUST GOING TO-” 

He starts towards the window and you know that he’s about to jump himself out the window again. Less for your amusement more so he can get out quick. You move yourself from Gaster’s warm embrace to step in front of Papyrus and give him a patient smile. You reach forward and take his hands in yours to bring him back over to where everyone else was. There’s sweat dripping around the brow shapes of his skull, so you brush your thumb against his knuckles comfortingly. He apparently hasn’t caught on that Mettaton literally hasn’t looked at anything else since Papyrus came in. You lead him through several deep breaths, but he does them in acceleration and it doesn’t really help anybody’s confusion and anxiety. 

“Here, by me.” You sit Papyrus down with you. “Now, shall we have some of the spaghetti you made with Undyne?”

“OKA-AY…” He drew out, fidgeting with the bowl in his hands. 

He places it in your lap and pops off the lid. There’s still too much garlic and tomato sauce, but you push on the best supportive face you can. Gaster distributes plates and plastic sporks from the cabinet so everyone can have a plate except for himself. You square him with a look of pleading camaraderie that makes him cave. He takes the spork from you and ate slowly under Papyrus’s ever worried gaze which lights afire before Gaster makes any comment.

“YOU LIKE IT! LOOK!” Papyrus urges you. 

“I see! He can’t believe the…amount of passion and care that went into this. We can tell you worked hard on this and it’s amazing.” You praise without trying it yourself. 

_Indeed. I would like to share this._

He shoves it in your mouth and you choke on the strength of the garlic mixed with chunky, icy, tomato sauce. You cringe, but act as though it’s caused you to choke so Papyrus can’t tell. Doing anything other than sparing his feelings on something he still has so much potential in seems wrong. Papyrus can still learn and you want so much to be the one teaching him. Stepping on Undyne’s toes in this wouldn’t be right either when she already distrusts you this much. You still crunch through the smoky flavor of the spaghetti and nod in agreement on what you said earlier now that you’ve tasted it. Turning a glance towards Gaster, you see the twinkle there in his violet dark eyes. Unbidden, you can visualize the way his eyes may look were they human. 

You turn away, slightly red faced to speak with Mettaton in reference to Papyrus. “So how do you two know each other?” 

“Oh, we haven’t _really_ had the pleasure of meeting.” The robot waves a dismissive hand. 

“OH! YOU DON’T HAVE A GOOD RECOLLECTION, WORLD FAMOUS METTATON? I SEE! I CAN HELP! MY NAME IS PAPYRUS, THE VERY FAMOUS ROYAL GUARDSMAN! WE MET LAST NIGHT, AND SANG TOGETHER ALONG WITH UNDYNE! YOU ATTEMPTED TO KILL HUMAN FRISK SEVERAL TIMES!”

You raise a brow in Mettaton’s direction at why he was acting like he never met Papyrus. You’re also wondering how a Robot Monster sounds singing. Frisk pats his leg and signs something to him you don’t quite understand, but it makes Mettaton sputter and fiddle with his robot hands. A few nuts and bolts spurt out of the top of his square shaped head. Nobody makes any movement to fix him, so you stay put and don’t assume it’s anything to worry about. Everyone else blushes in some form of other, but Frisk doesn’t look bothered over the fact. They then point at you and then grab your ring finger where the squiggle of a half Soulmate mark is and waves it at Mettaton. Confused, you don’t retract your hand and let whatever this conversation is play out. When they drop your hand, Gaster catches it before it hits your body. You look at him, brows furrowed, and see his sharp look. You’re too busy looking at him trying to figure out what’s going on that you miss the flash of red cape as Papyrus leaps out the window.


	8. So Easy to Leave Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some chapters got mixed up and should be fixed now! If you're confused about anything, go back to 6 and see if you need a catch up. Super sorry about that! Thank you for your patience.

A Time Ago, but Not too Long for Once Upon a Time 

You’re sitting in a cavern beneath the edge of the world amongst the most brilliant minds in Monster-American history. These are the ones who will be written about in history books. Like most historian supporters and influences, you are the one that will be conveniently forgotten about. At your current state of being that is perfectly fine. There is a war coming and you don’t care who remembers you. You only want them to be safe. You place a hand over your swollen stomach as the growing miracle of nature adjusts into a better position to feel your hand. Your Soulmate mark glistens a light purple and there’s a responding blue coming from the baby. Just like his brother who still isn’t much pleased that there’s going to be a new family member. To his credit, this new family member wasn’t exactly planned. You’d have been fine just raising a child during an oncoming war and not being pregnant during it. Especially in these circumstances.

There were many Monster-Human relationships and they’d all been ripped apart either for their safety or because it had since become illegal. The only reason you were still married to a Monster was because of his connections to the now King and Queen. Even then, you’d only seen your husband twice in the last four years and were quarantined into living in the tunnels connecting the town outside Mount Ebbot to the Underground. The last time your Soulmate came home, he’d found his son suddenly four years old and began making changes to be back more often. That had taken several months and he was gone when you found out you were pregnant with the second child. Things were looking up now with you being seven months along. Everything was planned for him to be there when you had this child, alleviating many of your anxieties. The nights when you slept with just your children and missed your Soulmate the most, that’s what got you through. You still felt distraught, stressed, and mostly depressed but knowing that your husband would be at your side when you had this child helped. He helped.

You wiped the sweat from your brow as you stood over the oven and flipped an egg in the skillet. Seeing that it had burnt the cast iron caused you to swear under your breath. The heat from Gaster’s lab deeper in the caverns radiated all the way out here. You had plans drawn up for moving East when this was all over with to live in the cold. You’d never really cared much for anything lower than spring weather, but this heat has changed your opinion of ever being warm again. You’re about ready to crack another egg when something crashes in the makeshift living room. You brush it off, knowing it’s either Sans knocking stuff around to find new places to nap or tremors from the Scientists working on making a barrier to protect the armies at a faster rate. Then Papyrus moves into an uncomfortable position right against your ribs and you hiss in dull pain. Most of the time, you rub your sides when he does this and he moves so everything is fine. This time it doesn’t. It feels like he’s pushing you to move somewhere and you feel a heavy weight being pressed down upon your Soul.

“ma? someone’s at the door.”

It’s the last thing you hear before you black out with a strike to your back.

————— Present Day ————— 

“…HUMAN?” 

You blink several times into the overhead light and instantly close your eyes again as it causes a severe migraine. You feel hands all over you to move you somewhere and tinier hands petting your hair. There are voices all around, most feeling like whispers against your ear. As you roll onto your side you realize the bed you’re lying on is completely of hands and you can move nowhere with ease. Noting your movements, dozens of hands become two and you’re cradled against a chest. Overwhelmed you begin to sob. You’d been doing so perfectly well for the last two weeks and Gaster had seen no reason to keep you longer in a hospital room when you could go home. You remembered taking two steps outside of the facility, smelling brimstone coming from somewhere, and collapsing in intense abdominal pain. 

Everything came flooding back. The last time you heard Sans’s voice, being attacked and dragged into a prison cell. Being forced into labor on a cold, wet, cement floor all alone. Having him quite literally cut from you. Humans and Monster Betrayers had finally located you and were fiercely determined to break you apart and find what you knew about the barrier. They tortured you. Starved you. Tried to freeze you to death, tried to suffocate you in heat. At a certain time, you became so desperate to live that you wanted to tell them everything just to be able to get out. So you’d lied when they didn’t believe in your lack of knowledge. You began spouting off physics concepts, Magic elements, everything that you could think of to just get out and go home. The day they told you Gaster had gone into the Void was the same day they found out you’d been lying. They tied you down with no fight from you anymore and let the Magicians wipe your memory. Unfortunately, it hadn’t been done right or else none of this would have ever happened.

“Back so soon, beauty?” Mettaton asks, almost sounding worried. He’d apparently found it necessary for some reason to get in yours and Gaster’s good graces and hadn’t much left your side since meeting you.

From somewhere, Lemonbread also grumbles anxiously and you hear Muffet giving a thoughtful hum. The familiarity grounds you and soothes your troubled mind. You turn your head into Gaster’s chest to feel the warmth there against your forehead. It also blocks out the blasted light that’s too bright for anyone to focus. A tear rolls down your cheek even though you are nowhere near sad anymore. You’re frustrated. After everything, weeks of talking with Dr. Alphys, getting reacquainted with all those that you knew from before, hours of coming to understand what you’d lost, it was all for nothing. Therapy hadn’t worked, you were still being carried around and treated as fragile as before. If you could feel your legs or feet at all you’d demand to be let down and walk on your own. Gaster either feels your budding aggression or mistakes it for pain because he begins to rub a thumb against your arm. 

A chilling breeze brushes against your cheek and you’re suddenly somewhere less bright. You open your eyes to see it’s not the same hospital room you were in, rather an incredibly minimalistic apartment overlooking all of Ebbot. He sets you down on the twin size bed that’s more like a cot, but still quite comfortable. He moves, mumbling something about letting you have your rest, but you clutch his sleeve. You’ve slept in smaller spaces together. He cautiously inserts himself beneath you and holds you tight.

 _This is highly unethical._ He signs in the obscure way that he does.

“I’m not your patient anymore.” There’s a bite to your voice that shouldn’t be directed at him, you know. He flinches and begins again to move away.

“No, stop.” You again bring him back and hold him tighter. 

_You have suffered intense trauma. You shouldn’t expect-_

“Have you always talked to me like this?”

 _You…never seemed to mind._ He’s stiffer now. Colder. You sighed in exasperation.

“Right now I do, okay? I just want to go home and get back to my life. I thought I was done with this.”

He doesn’t answer initially and you’re worried he is about to send you home away from him thinking it’s what you want.

 _This was our normal._ He signs instead. _Before what you presumably remembered today. I’d come over to your apartment and we’d tuck in as you told me what you knew. I’ve always fussed over you._

Something about that calms your frustration. “You’re more affectionate now. How did we ever have children?”

 _I’ll let you remember that on your own. Not all of it from before was awful._ He smiles, a faint purple across his cheeks. _You’re the only one that could have ever affected me in such a way._

“Was I your first?”

_My only. I never…felt the need to before you. Is this conversation helping you feel better?_

“Seeing you flustered is.” You give a crooked smile and reach up to caress his face. “Does it bother you?”

Gaster’s hands slide up your sides and he shakes his head.

“You said when we met that it wouldn’t be difficult for you to fall in love with me again.” You remind. “Did you stop because…I got sick?”

It seems odd asking someone who is one of the best Monster doctors this. But all that you know for certain is that he was there before you became erratic and wasn’t after. Somewhere between that he went willingly into some kind of void and left you, presumably for good at that time. You don’t know what got him out of that place or even what it was, but you knew he was gone before then. You knew that the pair of you fought a lot and the intimate moments were far and few between. Be that from his work or the more likely anxiety answer of it being all your fault. You didn’t really quite know if you’d ever have a problem mentally. What if it got worse and it was just easier for him somehow, thinking you’d be better off without him?

Gaster sits up and sets you back so you can clearly see his hands as he begins that broken way of signing that he does.

_You go sick because of malpractice inducing trauma. I never stopped loving you for a moment. What I meant by that was simply the option for you to come back to me and us be as we were once more._

Even just signing, he does so with such ferocity that you’re a little intimidated and left breathless. You don’t quite know what to say that will let him know you understand, so you simply nod with your hands at his waist.

_Leaving someone because of something they cannot control is one of the worst things that can be done, to Human or Monster. Especially with a mental illness._

You’re crying, you realize just then when he extends an extra hand to brush them away. “I’ve known Soulmates to rip apart over less.”

_Not us. Now, you’ve had a long and tiring day. I imagine your friends will be knocking on my door at any moment when they figure out where I’ve brought you._

“Can you give me something for a headache so I can?” You request, shifting to push the covers out from being tucked beneath the sides.

Gaster removes himself from your sides and you are able to take in how the apartment looks. If there are any lights, it’s mostly come from the large windows covering the walls. Most of the interior is painted white with dark wood flooring and laid out in floor plan similar to a studio apartment. You can see clear through from the bedroom near the window, to the kitchen by the front door, to the living room-office space near the bed space. There’s a thousand and one books of every genre you could think of and cluttered around the large space at all angles. Something clicks in your head and you reach beneath the bed frame to pull the first steel lever you touch. You’re unsure of what you were hoping for, but you’d somehow known it was there. It extends the bed from the cramped twin into a full king size of white sheets and a deep red duvet. You close your eyes and let the smell of aster-infused tea Gaster’s brewing to lull you into a pure sense of calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last chapter for a little while as I'm going through a personal thing and don't have time to work on New chapters like before. Not abandoned or on hiatus!


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